Just be nice - by Monica

Photo Credit: by Jennifer Konig








In her lifetime, this is a lesson my Grandma Lucas always taught:
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

This is something that has stuck with me, especially into my life as a journalist. Being a reporter, I learned a crucial lesson -- most people don't adhere to the standard that my grandma did. If we can't find something nice to say, why do we still feel the need to speak, to let our words run like acid to hurt someone else?

I have a bad habit of reading comments people make on the Oakland Press' website, especially the comments to my own articles. Most of the people who comment on the articles want to criticize. I read an article reporter Karen Workman wrote. A video of a woman in the military was included online. What were many of the comments about? How ugly readers thought the woman's lip ring was.

Seriously.

And it makes no sense to me, and it's hard not to take the comments personally. I have written an article about a non-profit organization...and received comments about how the volunteers probably only volunteered to get recognition. I always figured "Who could say anything bad about a non-profit organization?" I was wrong...people still found something negative to say.

I read an article about police officers arresting prostitutes...and readers actually criticized the police officers, saying that prostitution serves to boast the economy and that the women should be able to support themselves in this way if they want to.

Seems kind of backwards, doesn't it? Criticizing volunteers and police officers...and praising prostitutes.

Your words can serve as a powerful weapon, and I feel like, many times, people just speak to hear themselves talk instead of thinking what they are saying. Don't be the kind of person who treats humans like ants, holding magnifying glasses over them and finding pleasure in watching them squirm to somehow make yourself feel superior. Instead, be the person who raises others up instead of tearing them down.

So, I propose that everyone think before they speak -- and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And if you do have something nice to say -- say it! Don't keep it to yourself. Because, trust me, people hear negativity all the time...and saying something nice to someone will be a breath of fresh air in their lives.

Being negative all the time and always needing to spend your time criticizing, it not only hurts those around you, but it also hurts yourself. If you are constantly think of ways to put others down, this does not lead to a happy life.

And if you find someone criticizing you, don't take it personally. Don't think it's a reflection of yourself, because it's not.

I read an article on ezinemagazine.com. Next time someone criticizes you, remember what was written in this article:

My experience of people that are always criticizing others is that they are deeply unhappy, have a low self esteem and perhaps even depressed. When people are depressed, sad or insecure often the world becomes very dark and they do see the enemy everywhere. Some people are very jealous of other people's success and deeply resent it. They then start to 'act' out.

It can also be a form of projection. They project onto others what they feel about themselves. When they call you a loser, really this is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. It is likely too that they consider this how you think about them so they get the insult out there first. The more unkind they are to you, the more distance you create between you, and this results in them trying harder to get your attention.

They feel rejected and try with inappropriate means to re-establish a connection. Look at how 'naughty children' behave when trying to get attention. The attention grabbing efforts are always negative and not positive. Is it possible this person has yet to learn these methods are not effective!

If you are an attractive, bubbly, successful, wealthy person with a nice happy home, great relationship, lovely children, nice car or any number of other things that this person does not have then this is in itself is reason for them to resent you if they are unhappy about what they lack in their own life.

When people take these pot shots at me, I generally see it for what it is. Insecurity and jealousy. I pity them and as such bear them no ill feeling. I may try to help them feel better about themselves or to gain what it is they want but do not have but ultimately if they can't quit their griping which can in the end drive even the strongest person down, then I will distance myself from them, perhaps indefinitely.

Do not let let people like this get you down and remember if you are in anyway at an advantage when compared to them their level of insecurity may make you their target.