Don't Gossip - by Monica

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” - Mother Teresa

I’m not sure if this blog entry would be classified in the category of “happy,” but probably more like “inspiration.” I just feel like this is a topic that needs to be addressed because I feel like we are perpetrators as well as victims when it comes to this topic.

Sadly, it is human nature to judge and to gossip. Sometimes, it seems the world runs on gossip. I am ashamed to admit that I have taken part plenty of times in gossip as well. I have judged when I had no right to.

But, chances are, you do have too. I know that probably everyone I know does. And it’s sad because, as much as we love to gossip, does anyone like being the topic of gossip? I know I sure don’t. But, honestly, if so many people gossip, chances are, at least a time or two, your name has been the one upon their lips as well. And if you think too hard about it, it really is sad to think, “I wonder what people are saying about me?” Because if people gossip to you, who’s to say they’re not gossiping about you?

Trust me, I know because recently, I have heard things friends have said badly about me behind my back. Something that two friends probably muttered without even thinking about hurt like hell to me. And that’s the thing – when we gossip, we don’t think about it. We don’t think about how it would hurt the other person…we just talk without thinking to fill the time. It made me wonder what else people say about me behind my back. All I could think was, “Wow, I wish these friends would have said it to my face so I could stand up for myself” or “Is that really what the world thinks of me?” And then I thought back on the times I’ve done this to friends. Why is it that we give ourselves the right to gossip, but when someone else is doing it to us, we think it’s wrong? When you talk about a friend, just think to yourself, “Would I be okay with them hearing what I’m saying about them right now?” If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn’t be saying it. And you never know because someday, maybe the person you gossip to will gossip back to the person you were talking about…about what you had said.

Here is an article called “Gossip: Where’s the Harm?” from mycatholictradition.com that really describe this pastime Americans love…and what it may stem from:

“But it’s the truth!” You often hear that as the defense. It starts innocently enough with people sharing information. Then all of the sudden it gravitates to, “Did you know that …” and off it goes. The sharing part is good. But sharing information about another who is not present to explain his or her side is gossip. Don’t deny it. We’ve all indulged in it. And regretfully, sometimes with relish!

Why do we gossip? Some studies actually say that this is good for the human psyche. If we look at why we gossip, I really do not see how an activity so destructive can be good for anyone?

Well, here are some of the reasons why.


Influence

This is where we slip most of the time. It only takes one person to start and then gossip grows.
Voyeurism

We sometimes find ourselves drawn into the web of someone else’s misery without ever having to step foot in it, and admit it, enjoying every minute of it. Silently gloating, “Thank goodness that did not happen to me!”

Self-righteousness

“He’s really bad at this. I’m better than him.” “She does this all wrong.” “They did not raise their kids as I raised mine!” Think about it. If we feel good about how our life is we tend to make that a measure of how others should live theirs. Guess what? They feel the same way as you.

Low self-esteem

When we think so little of ourselves we feel the only way we can feel good about us is to cut others down.

Anger

In times of distress we lament, “Why does it always happen to me?” However, in times of relative prosperity do we ask ourselves “Why me?” It is very human to feel we deserve “the good” all the time. But it is our extreme arrogance that makes us feel the “bad times” only happens to others. If we fail to ask ourselves, “Why do I deserve this blessing?” we forfeit the right ask, “Why do I deserve this pain?” Sorrow, just as much as happiness is a personal choice.

To hurt another

This is really pernicious. This is a deliberate and conscious effort to hurt another person borne out hatred, ignorance or jealousy.

How bad can it be?


Remember that indulging in gossip gives fuel to another conversation some other time without you but about you. It’s a cycle that is easy to break. How bad can it be? Well, would you want to be fodder for gossip? No, I don’t think so.

What can I do?


If you find yourself drawn into such conversations, examine your motivations and work on it. You cannot control the other person’s actions. But you can control yours.
If gossip starts, change the subject. Be open about being not willing to participate in gossip.
Choose alternative and constructive topics. Guide a conversation away from these pitfalls. You will be remembered.
Build. Do not destroy.